I want to let you in on a secret. It’s one that the press and social media and even your friends don’t want to tell you.
Sometimes pregnancy sucks.
You might be looking at all these stylised photos and posts telling you how wonderful women are finding their pregnancy. They describe how they feel as if they are glowing and finding fulfilment and a new purpose.
If you read those posts and feel inadequate or upset by them, you are not alone! I can’t tell you the number of women who come into my clinic each week feeling tired and exhausted and fed up and very unglamorous!
They have aches and pains in very private places, they can’t sleep and can’t eat and are too exhausted to do more than crash on the sofa after work. Some of them are physically sick every day well beyond the expected 12 weeks. For some, migraines sometimes get better during pregnancy but sometimes they get much much worse. Other women develop crippling pelvic pain which leaves them on crutches for weeks until the baby is born. Still others suffer with heightened levels of anxiety and fear over the what if’s and unknowns of pregnancy, labour, birth and parenthood.
The problem these women face is that society expects them to be glowing. It expects them to be radiant and smiling and excited. Society might make you think that any other reaction to pregnancy makes you a bad mother.
Things to remember
A miserable pregnancy does not automatically lead to a miserable life as a new parent. You will probably feel a whole lot better once you aren’t carrying 8 to 15 pounds of extra baby and placenta around inside you.
Any feelings of frustration or dread don’t mean that you don’t or won’t love your baby. It simply means that pregnancy is hard for you, and that’s ok to admit.
There are things your midwife or health professional can do to help you. Don’t suffer in silence for fear of judgement. What you feel is valid and won’t be the first time they’ve heard someone struggling with pregnancy.
What you can do
Talk to someone you trust. It might be a close friend or family member you know had a difficult pregnancy themselves. Sharing your feelings enables people to encourage and reassure you that everything will be alright.
Speak to your GP or midwife. If you have sickness, pelvic pain, migraines or some other physical symptoms, they may be able to suggest treatments for you. If you are struggling with anxiety around your pregnancy, birth or parenthood, they can refer you to local counselling services where trained professionals can guide you through the anxiety to find your calming and coping strategies.
Take time to rest and give yourself some grace. You don’t have to live up to society’s expectations and post a glowing selfie every day! Just getting out of bed might be a major success for you, so celebrate it!
Keep your eyes on the prize! However hard this pregnancy might be, focus on the baby and your parenthood to come. It will be worth it. They say parenthood is the hardest job in the world, which I definitely agree with, but it is also the most rewarding. There are so many stages to look forward to. If you aren’t keen on newborn babies, that’s ok. You might feel more confident looking after children when they reach the toddler stage. I promise that time will fly and that favourite age you like most will be here in no time!